I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
