Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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