69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
