you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Randomize
