this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
