Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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