I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
