god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just forgot I was standing up.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Randomize
