There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
Randomize
