the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
