I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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