I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
