sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
