I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
