im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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