so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
