he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
