U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
