This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
