It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
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