My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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