i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
she literally pooped in the closet. i sent the picture to everyone i know.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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