Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Randomize
