Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
