I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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