I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
