I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
