you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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