All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
