At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im drinking this country out of the recession.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Just invented taco cereal.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
