My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
