Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
