I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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