and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Randomize
