Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I still have a little drunk in my system
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
