My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
