i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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