she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
