Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Randomize
