Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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