this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
