just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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