similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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