I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
