Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
