Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
