shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
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