i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Randomize
