I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
MIDGETS
????
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
