you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
