My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
