are you so shy because you have an std?
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
