I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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