Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Randomize
