Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
