I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
