my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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