Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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