ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
