Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
