i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
