Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Randomize
