when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
