Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
