I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
