the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
