Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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