First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
