I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
