Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
