All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
