Do you still have your period?
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
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